the past

There are days, bittersweet days when you sit back and reflect. When the memories overwhelm you, an old song calls out old thoughts, an old smell brings out old feelings. Your mind transports you to another time.

Melancholy fills you as you remember what used to be, the people you used to spend time with, the trends you used to love, the person you used to be.

Our minds remember everything, our fears, our pain. The solemn events that shaped who we became to be. The moments, the decisions that created the changes we made in ourselves. The things that affected us to our core, or the ones that barely pierced our skin.

Today I found 30 pages of writings, thoughts, ideas, fragments. Things I wrote two years ago. The deepest fears my younger self are written in there. Countless memories and the words that I wanted to write down. Nostalgia overwhelms me as I read the words I wrote so long ago.

The pages are overwhelming.

There was so much emotion in what I wrote. I remember, hiding my hopes in the words. I would disguise my pain in a story. The things I wrote shock me. It enlightens me.

It helps me realize how much I’ve changed, and how much of myself I didn’t understand at the time. The ideas I had, the emotions, in the past two years these fragments have completed themselves in my head. Their beginnings show me how confused I was about myself. The characters I created, thinking of the people I wanted in my life back then. I met some of them in the past two years. People that reflected the characters I made up are in my life. The experiences, the dreams I made up in my head, some became memories.

There’s so much potential in the ideas written down and there’s so much more to be said. These little pieces of myself will be released, in time, after I complete the unfinished sentences.

I just need to dot some I’s and cross my T’s.

 

 

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