poetry #1

Untitled poetry// enjoy

 

Have you ever stayed up staring at the vast emptiness that is the dark?
Have you ever sat in your room, all alone and just heard the noises from outside?
Do you ever sit down and just think?
I seem to do that a lot.
I sit down and I scream. Not literally, but mentally. I sit down and I scream. I let my thoughts run around my head and I think.
I think about everything.
I think about my dreams, my future, my life as it is.
Sometimes I think I have too much time to think.


It would kill you
If you knew
The thoughts that creep inside my head.
It would kill you
If you saw
The scars that cover my beaten body.
It would kill you
If you knew
How often I beat myself up.
It would kill you
If you saw
The tears that stream down my cheeks.
But it kills me
To know
How often I wish I would die.


You know how at night everything feels so okay? You know how people stay up late, and just look up at the sky and ponder about life?
You know that feeling, when it’s 1 am and you know that you should be sleeping but you lay awake anyway because you feel safe and okay.
The darkness doesn’t scare you then, it envelopes you in love and watches over you.
The stars are hopeful thoughts and silence lets your deepest fears run free.
You feel safe.
You feel protected.
You feel free.
Why is that?
It’s because everything else seems so far away.
You sit there alone by yourself while the rest of the world is asleep.
Society isn’t there to control your thoughts.
There aren’t any noises or distractions.
You don’t have any responsibilities.
Everything is gone and far away.
You don’t even have to be awake for another five hours or so.
It all feels so far, and you feel so alone. So free to think and ponder until your brain hurts so much from the madness that runs amuck.
It’s so calmingly beautiful.
It’s the only time the darkness feels safe.

 

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